


Everything will be okay.

by troublemaker (shoseilovemail)



Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:06:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23236672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoseilovemail/pseuds/troublemaker
Summary: Whenever Ruki feels sad, desolate or broken, he heads out to visit Sho's room.
Relationships: Shiroiwa Ruki/Yonashiro Sho
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Everything will be okay.

Sometimes, Ruki sits on his bed and just feels. A lot. And whenever it's too much for him to handle, he goes to Sho's room.

He doesn't hide it, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴, at least those who can grasps the meaning.  
Sho's room is at the very end of the hallway, far away from those of the younger residents of their mansion. 

But nonetheless, Ruki has to pass their rooms on his way, and he feels a little bit bad, because they all always try to help him, so much, they try their best to cheer him up, but sadly it never helps.  
Because the scar in his heart is too deep to ever heal, and ironically he asks Sho to soothen him when it's the same game.  
The same game of using and being used, of Ruki thinking that he's in control when he's the one who's being controlled.

"You can come to me whenether you like, it's okay ", Sho always tells him when it's over.  
And Ruki takes that for good.  
As if their little escapade could help him.  
He had to admit himself that it was just wicked, crazy, that he believed that being broken even more could ever put him together again.  
He knew that he was a number two, just a side adventure because Sho loved the thrill of it, and Ruki loved it too.  
Like that, they had the power over each other. No one's gaining anything, at least Ruki's only losing at this point.

𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥?

Ruki doesn't quite remember. Maybe he had looked a little bit more pained or desolate that evening, but he remembers Sho standing in front of him, as collected as ever, holding a cup of tea, and asking Ruki "𝘐𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺? "

Ruki had just stared at him, with an unchanging expression, but Sho could read his face like a book. "𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺? " was the next question.  
That hit right into the bullseye.

Because Ruki was lonely. After getting his heart broken by Kousuke he was fucking lonely. And maybe, in that moment he had felt like Sho could close the gap. Maybe that's why he had let himself fall into the trap, let Sho play the game with him, whatever you want to call it, in the end Ruki had let his heart be broken 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯.

"I can love you if you want. "

"But do you want that? "

"I don't know. ", Sho said and shrugged. 

"𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺. "

Ruki should have known from the very beginning. He now hates himself for not realising it earlier. He could have saved himself. Or maybe that was the point? That he couldn't.

Not even if he had noticed it when he was just beginning to fall even deeper, when Tomoaki had been staying over and Sho had 𝘳𝘦𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 Ruki for the night, when Ruki felt as broken after his visit to Sho's room as before, when Ruki saw Sho smiling at his phone like he never smiled at Ruki, when Ruki was throwing himself into the act while Sho remained stern, maybe when Sho had asked Ruki indirectly to do it with him so nonchalantly for the first time.  
𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 if he had noticed then, he could have saved himself.

If that had been possible from the start on.

Whst if Ruki could never get out of this dark spiral that he keeps going down? What if he's destined to break until he shatters?  
What if he'll always stay like this?  
What if he'll never heal?

He threw all these questions at himself, every evening, when he sat in his bed and just felt like shit.  
And then, when it became too much, he headed out for Sho's room again.  
Even if it was weird.  
Even if it was breaking him.  
Even if it was so wicked.

Because whenether Ruki thought that, he simultaneously thought of what Shosei, what Kousuke, what they all had told him.  
What Sho whispered into his ear every night after it was over.

"𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺. "

-𝑬𝒏𝒅.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment or reach me on Twitter @/shoseilovemail


End file.
